Not Letting Go Read online

  Not Letting Go

  R.B. Hilliard

  Copyright © 2014 R.B. Hilliard

  ePUB Edition

  Cover by Elizabeth Clark

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

  Disclaimer: The material in this book is for mature audiences only and contains graphic content. It is intended only for those aged 18 and older.

  Dedication

  This book is for my family who supports me and all of my eccentricities, no matter what. I love each and every one of you.

  ~R.C.B. – My husband, editor and best friend – It was good and now it is great. There are no words to express how much I love you.

  ~Mom – Thanks for the last read and the endless support.

  ~Dad – Thanks for NOT reading it and the endless support.

  ~Elizabeth Clark – The website and cover are fabulous! Thank you a million times over.

  ~Sarah – The Piper to my Ellie …Thank you for brainstorming ideas with me, listening to me drone on about the characters, pulling me off the ledge when I wanted to jump and beta reading for me. I love you.

  ~My Beta Babes – Sarah, Elizabeth, K.C., Laura, Clair, Kristen and Susannah – Thank you for taking the time out of your busy lives to read for me. I love you all!

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright Page

  Dedication

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  About the Author

  Chapter One

  This is not happening….This cannot be happening. I know I am owed some karmic payback, but why here? Why now? I extended my arms in front of me and felt around, hoping to find a place to sit down or, more likely, fall over. My panic attacks had stages and this one was about to go nuclear. Already feeling light headed, I prepared for what came next. Don’t pass out, don’t pass out. Shallowly panting, I weakly attempted to blink away the stars floating like tiny fireflies across my retinas. I hiked up my dress and was braced for the fall when the door rattled.

  No!

  To stop the panic from taking me under, I let my breath out in small increments. Think about something positive, Piper. Slowly, I sucked air back into my aching lungs and, holding it in, quietly slipped through the coats to the very back of the closet. I was not going down without a fight. Why is there never a weapon handy when you need one? My hands skimmed across a wall before landing on something that felt strangely like…hair. My lungs seized in my chest, trapping the air inside, and I fought back a scream. It’s not really hair, not really hair, because if it is really hair…I’m going to completely lose my mind and I don’t have time for that right now.

  I barely made it past the hairy thing when the door opened and light spilled from the hallway across the coats in front of me and onto my feet. Mass Seduction’s rendition of Trouble swept through the open door and, even though they were slightly off key (something Ray Lamontagne would never do), I fought back the tears. I should be out there dancing with my friends. Morbid curiosity caused me to glance back over my shoulder to see what the hairy thing was. Relief washed over me when my brain caught up with my eyes and I saw a wig on a Styrofoam head. Figures.

  The flickering light from the hallway cast shadows across the floor that reflected off of my heels and suddenly it hit me. My heels. In a split second I had one heel off and in take down position. Thank you Ellie for picking obnoxiously high heels for your bridesmaids to wear! A large shadowy figure slipped through the door and I bit my tongue to keep from gasping out loud. With a reverberating click the door closed and sealed us into total darkness. How do I get myself into these situations? Do I not ever learn from my mistakes? Apparently not, because I am in a coat closet at my best friend’s wedding ready to maim someone with the heel of my shoe. Piper, you have sunk really low this time.

  A shadowy figure whispered something, but I was too far away to hear what it said or who it was speaking to. The thought that there might be two shadows in here instead of one made my head swim with fear. Passing out might not be such a bad thing after all. I heard something move closer and spots danced across my vision. Oh so quietly, I sucked in another large breath. Holding it in, I raised my shoe above my head with the heel out and focused all of my energy on getting the right strike angle to incapacitate and run. The sound of the other person breathing forced my panic level to climb another notch. The only buffer standing between me and them was the coat rack. Please don’t let it be Gage or, even worse, Lester. Hangers swished and slid across the rack, which caused coats to rustle. Could it possibly be any darker in here? I mean, really? How am I supposed to know when to strike if I can’t even see my own hand right in front of my face? Slipping off my other heel, I also flipped it to take down position. I could just see the headlines in tomorrow’s paper. “Woman takes down evil villain with obscenely high heels.”

  Movement to my left shot my pulse through the roof. Not only were my lips tingling, but I could now feel my heartbeat in the tips of my fingers.

  This is it, Piper. Do or die time.

  A loud thump echoed through the closet and then a voice whisper-shouted, “Ouch, dammit! Piper, I know you’re in here. Where the hell are you?”

  My breath released with a loud whoosh. “Dillon?”

  “You do realize that you are hiding in a coat closet at your best friend’s wedding, don’t you? What the hell?” His growl came from directly in front of me.

  Quickly placing my shoes back on my feet, I lunged toward the sound of his voice and almost clocked him on the chin as I threw myself into his arms. Relief swept through me as my panic diminished.

  Squeezing him tightly, I exclaimed, “You have no idea how glad I am to see you. I could just kiss you!”

  Dillon Whitaker was the manager of Dragonfly, the bar I work at, as well as one of my two bosses. We had spent the past three and a half months working together and had become close friends. Dillon was also one of the best looking men I had ever set eyes on. He had the three T’s going for him which, in my book, was a definite plus: tall, tan, and tatted. All three of these added to his blonde hair and silver grey eyes…Beyond hot.

  “I’ll take you up on that, but first, care to explain why you are hiding in a closet and not out there dancing and celebrating with everyone like you should be?” The stern tone of his voice reminded me of my dad and a wave of homesickness washed over me.

  I wanted to explain. I wanted to spill the past eight months of my life out on the closet floor and shut the door on it, but I couldn’t. Instead, as usual, I played it off. “M…my stomach was hurting and I thought this was the bathroom,” I stuttered.

  “Bullshit,” he harshly replied and I flinched. Pulling me in tighter, he lowered his voice to a half whisper. “What is it about Gage Blackwell that has you so tied up in knots, baby doll?”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Have you bee
n smoking doobies again with Harry?”

  “No, but I have been watching you,” he confessed, “and you have been watching him. You seemed fine with him until half an hour ago when you glanced out at the balcony and saw him talking to that guy. What are you running from and what does Gage have to do with it?”

  Dillon was way too perceptive for his own damn good. How can I explain that I think I saw no-neck Lester at my best friend’s wedding and that, if it is Lester, it spells really bad things for me? Or that the love of my life broke me by betraying me and is out there on the dance floor yucking it up like it never happened? I wish I could. How I wish I could talk to someone, but I couldn’t because if I did…he’d hurt them, and that I could-not-have.

  Squaring my shoulders, I took in a cleansing breath and repeated, “I felt sick and thought this was the bathroom. Now I feel better.” I hated lying to him. I hated lying to everyone, but what other choice did I have? I felt around for the doorknob and, when I had my fingers securely wrapped around it, pulled it open and stepped into the hallway. “Thanks for checking on me D,” I shot over my shoulder as I melted into the crowd.

  My best friend in the entire universe, Ellison Elizabeth Davis, married the love of her life tonight. Ellie fell in love with Max McLellan the first day of our freshman year in high school, but it was not until the summer before our senior year they finally got together. Just as everything was finally working out for the two of them, Max disappeared. For five years Ellie was a broken shell of her once beautifully vibrant self. A little over seven months ago Max reappeared. After encountering drug dealers, a psycho ex-girlfriend and an unplanned pregnancy, they were getting their forever and I could not be happier for them.

  Peeking around the corner, I searched the ballroom for signs of Gage or Lester. Ellie and Max were on the dance floor slow dancing to Bon Jovi’s (You Want To) Make A Memory. She looked so beautiful with her long blonde hair twisted up into an intricate knot. Long pieces of it cascaded around her face, which perfectly framed her golden eyes. Her elegant, white dress fit her like a glove. Even pregnant, the girl is a knock out. Then there was dark and dangerous Max…in a tux. The man was simply mouthwatering. The love in his eyes as he danced with my best friend made me smile.

  Seeing neither hide nor hair of Gage or Lester, I lifted the bottom of my bridesmaid’s dress and darted across the room to where Joss and Kurt stood talking to Max’s little sister, Sarah. Sarah was a mini Max in that she, too, was tall with chestnut colored hair and blue green eyes. She had grown up to be a stunningly beautiful young woman, something that constantly worried Max. She was in her final year of University in Scotland. Max had sent her overseas to keep her safe, but little did he know that she would love it so much that she wouldn’t want to come home. She was returning to Scotland tomorrow and he was not happy about it. Right as I reached them, the opening notes of Sweet Home Alabama rang out and I watched the dance floor fill.

  “Where have you been?” Joss asked as she tapped her foot to the beat of the music. With each tap, her white blonde curls bounced up and down on top of her head. “You just missed the bouquet toss and the garter fling! Yummy Gage caught the garter and can I just tell you….” her voice faded out when she caught the scowl on Kurt’s face. “What?” She cocked her eyebrow at him. “I’m married, not blind.” He shook his head at her and resumed his conversation with Sarah.

  “I have to go,” I interrupted. “Will you tell Ellie that I wasn’t feeling well and that I’ll talk to her next week after her honeymoon?” Joss’s eyes cut from Kurt to me. This time I got the eyebrow raise. “Please? I’ll owe you one.”

  “Does this have something to do with him?” She tilted her head toward the balcony.

  I glanced over her shoulder and scowled. Why does he always have to look so damn good? Even with shorter hair, which I still haven’t gotten used to, he looks sexy as hell. And that suit? Holy flipping cow, that suit. The boy was all man. Just not my man. Gage was standing on the balcony where I had spotted him earlier. A little over three months ago we stood in that exact same place and argued. Of course it just happened to be on the same night that Joss and Kurt got married and Max proposed to Ellie. Leave it up to Gage to ruin a perfectly wonderful moment. My mind wandered back to that night.

  “Why did you leave, Princess? After all we had together, you couldn’t have called or left a note?” He actually looked hurt.

  I stared at him in disbelief. “You didn’t need a note to know what was happening, Cowboy. We both know it was all a lie.”

  His eyes darkened with anger. “Not to me, it wasn’t.”

  What the hell? “Why are you here Gage?”

  “Isn’t it obvious?” The confused and hurt look on his face made me want to scream. His eyes drifted down to my hand, which I was nervously rubbing back and forth over my aching chest.

  Jerking it to my side, I asked, “Does Dooley think I’m an idiot? For that matter, do you?”

  His jaw clinched as he leaned in. “Cold and cruel maybe, but an idiot? Far from it.” He held up his hand to stop me from speaking. “Before you bust my balls any further, I’d like for us to get on the same page and, in order for that to happen, I need you to explain.”

  Enough was enough. “I know everything you sanctimonious jack-ass! I lived through it! I survived it! You had me, hook, line and sinker. I was yours and you threw…me…away!” I shouted.

  He reared back as if I had physically slapped him. “What the fuck, Piper?”

  “Take out your camera, Gage. Here’s one for you, Dooley, and Selina!” I flipped up my middle finger and before he could say anything else, turned on my heel and bolted back inside.

  Joss shook my arm and I snapped back to the present. “Hey? You okay?”

  My emotions were all over the place. I was unraveling and it was starting to scare me. “I’m fine. Are we good here? Will you explain to Ellie why I had to leave?”

  She let out a dramatic sigh. “Go now, before I change my mind. I’ll bring coffee over in the morning.” I gave the three of them quick hugs and bolted for the door.

  Ellie and I met Max McLellan and Kurt Greenfield our freshman year in high school. They were a year older, super popular, and total players. Max was swarthy and mysterious whereas Kurt was fair and friendly. Joss Speilman appeared on the scene the summer before our junior year after I left for boarding school. Ellie befriended her and introduced us when I came home for Christmas break. She reminded me of Tinkerbell in that she was tiny and fairy-like with a head full of long, curly, white blonde hair. That is, until she opened her mouth. Then she was more like Melissa McCarthy from the movie Bridesmaids. We had all three been best friends ever since. If Ellie was my soul sister, then Joss was my partner in crime.

  Kurt and Joss started dating the summer she moved to Charlotte and had been going strong ever since. A year and a half ago he bought a seedy looking bar on the south side of Charlotte, named it Dragonfly, and spent months revamping it. He and Joss were married a little over three months ago and, in order to spend more time with her, he let Dillon purchase half of the bar. This and MMG, Max’s garage, is where we now spend most of our free time. The week before Kurt and Joss tied the knot he bought her a killer house with a swimming pool and a one bedroom pool house. The pool house is where I now lived.

  You are not running away. You are simply going home because you are tired. Yeah, right.

  I turned off the alarm, tossed my purse on the chair and stripped off my coat and heels before dropping down onto my bed. Ugh! If that was Lester then Dooley is not done playing games. The sleepless nights and lying was taking a toll on me.

  Trying to focus on something other than my pending doom, my mind wandered back to Gage. Will I ever get used to seeing him and not being able to touch him? Probably not. Whoever said that time heals all wounds is full of shit. My scars may have healed, but deep inside where it really matters, I was still as raw and bloody as the day it happened. How do I get past this? Maybe I won’t. Maybe
I am meant to spend the rest of my life in a sexless, depressing funk.

  Growling in frustration, I jumped off the bed and headed for the fridge. I pulled out one of the two bottles of champagne I had stolen from Kurt’s truck this morning, popped it open, and flipped on the radio. On the way back to bed, I almost tripped over my own feet when J.T.’s Sexy Back blasted from the speakers. Immediately I thought of Ellie’s bachelorette party and giggled.

  Two weekends ago Joss and I threw a bachelorette party for Ellie at Dragonfly. Since I drew the short straw, I was responsible for the G rated part of the night. Joss had the fun part, but the little cow wouldn’t tell me her rated R plans for the evening. This infuriated me, to say the least. That night was so much fun…until it wasn’t.

  As soon as we finished dispensing naughty gifts and copious libation, the gifts were loaded in the back of Max’s truck. Def Leppard’s ‘Pour Some Sugar on Me’ roared from the speakers, announcing that the party had officially begun. Ellie clapped her hands and squealed in delight. When she began shaking her pregnant ass and singing along at the top of her lungs, Joss and I both joined in. It was great seeing her having so much fun. After everything she and Max had been through, she deserved it.

  As the third song was ending, four policemen barged through the door. A chill of fear ripped through me and I frantically searched the room for a place to hide. Please don’t let this have anything to do with me and what happened in Texas.

  Someone turned the music down so we could hear what the policemen were saying. “We are looking for an Ellison Davis,” the officer in front announced and my heart dropped.

  Shit! This has something to do with Max, not me.

  “She’s over here occifer,” Joss slurred, waving her hand back and forth in the air. I wanted to hit her.

  I scooted closer to Ellie in case she needed my support. Just as the officers reached the tables in front of us the volume shot up and Justin Timberlake’s Sexy Back filled the room.